The In Between | THOMAS A HOLLBACH

The In Between

The In Between | THOMAS A HOLLBACH
The in between

There were circular lights they had thrown up in the branches on purpose. Underneath there was a tiny house that gave this running and streaming city a place of vibrant presence. The people around the house were laughing, drunk by the warm stone they were sitting on. The entire scene bussed and clinked. But in between two pairs of eyes suddenly froze and built a wall around them.

„I would like to know how people perceive me. How I am. What they would say if they had to describe me. I often think about it.“

„Why don’t you just ask them?“ „Would you tell me the truth?“

„I would have to think about it. But everyone automatically gets an idea of somebody. It happens subconsciously.“

„But wouldn’t you, if you would talk with me about myself, wouldn’t you try to pick only the positive things? The characteristics which effect on others wouldn’t hurt me?“

„Of course people are lying. They are protecting themselves.“

„But that’s ridiculous! They would say the best things about me not realizing how it sounds like. I would actually feel like attending my own funeral.“

„Don’t you want to hear something nice about yourself?“

„No! It’s like I’m already dead and someone has to say something nice about me. Like you said, to protect themselves. Then they feel like they are good people.

„You can’t avoid egoism. Maybe you have to ask someone who loves you to tell you how you are. That’s the most selfless opinion. Probably the closest to the overall image you’re wishing for.“

„Love? I don’t know anyone who loves me back.“

„How can you be so scattered?“

„And you are naiv.“

„I knew it! You don’t want to see it.“

„Now I would like to eat a piece of crumble cake.“

„You really are a strange person.“

The glass shattered and the dissipated wall crawled through rough gaps underneath the stone. Is now everything destroyed? The most important sentence elapsed? Fortunately not. Because we had an eternity to fill this given image with our own imagination. With faces, entire personalities, a memory or even a smell.

The boundaries are blurring and we don’t even notice it. We are looking out into the big wide world and simultaneously into a mirror. We fall through a window into the ocean and the waves carry us back.
Thereby we are constantly searching for those specific impulses. And we find them, those brutally beautiful impulses. Sometimes by accident, sometimes unexpected, sometimes disappointing. But we find them once and again. And those impulses shift little pieces of ourselves to the point where we totally burst. Frightening? Yes. But the best thing that can happen to us.

In all that chaos we may find the unambiguous shape that holds everything together. Our perception, our vision of the world. It complements, enriches and changes its shape. Every single perception constantly changes. It ist simply convertible. Thereby the turning point is probably the moment of our greatest attention.

Now we live in the midst of a big accumulation of perceptions. Apparently fluid, vague and inseparable. Nevertheless gaps can be detected. They show us clearly what the personal perception means. It describes the ability to fill up every single void, everything that lies in between. And concurrently it describes the ability to let our voids be filled in, also the darkest and deepest.

This structure catches even the most scattered. That’s the essence.
The essence lies in between.

 

Your Mila.

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